This month, I've been experiencing challenges that came from nowhere..I don't know if I should be happy that my patience is being tested. It's also a great month - spending time with my friends, being happy, traveling and everything. Although, it's really disappointing because the thing that makes me happy is gone. You may think that it's silly but that thing is my way of expressing myself, if I'm upset I use it (edit pictures, watch movies, surf the internet,save everything that I want..etc..)- I think you already know what I'm talking about. Now that I have nothing to use, especially in making our project, I feel very pessimistic. I think I will get a very low grade if we're not going to finish it. I think I can't pass our activities in our lab. I think my life is miserable, knowing that I have nothing to do.
This morning, I can feel my blood boiling because of anger. Why? Well, my step-dad is home. I shouldn't be sad about that but I feel uncomfortable especially because he will drink and will get drunk. I think I'm just scared but I don't really want how he acts and talks. It's all nonsense to me. I know I'm being selfish, but I can't just pretend that I'm happy because I've been doing that in school (sometimes) and I'm getting tired of it. I'd rather be with my friends than to stay at home because I'm not really that close to them.
I may sound really bad because of what I'm talking about. I just want to type it on these keyboard because I have no one to share it too. I've been controlling myself not to destroy my things because of anger. I get really mad when I'm upset and I'm going to regret it if my things are damaged and become useless.
I have lots of question, some are arguments, and what if's. I know that I can make it. I just hope because I don't to change my course you know. I just want to say goodbye 2010 and hello 2011. I hope there will be a "good" change. This will be the start of everything nice. ",)
-G-
